come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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