My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
