I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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