rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
