Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
