Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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