I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize