I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
