why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
