cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
