You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize