all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
