barbara walters just said penis...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
