i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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