And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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