Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the liver wants what the liver wants
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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