remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
