called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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