I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
