How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
