What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
