Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
