i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
