Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
