I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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