biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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