I showed him my bush... on skype.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
