Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize