I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
