yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
