someone threw a dead crab at me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
