"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
