gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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