I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
