I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
