Non-Jews are for practice
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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