How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
