So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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