I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
