I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
