Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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