he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
