and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
