I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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