I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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