What did we do last night that was yellow?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
