fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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