There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
