dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize