some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
