My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
