I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
