who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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