My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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