i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
