i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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