he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
