Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
