Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
