I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
