He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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