I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
