He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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