I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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