Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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