I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize