you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
