I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
