i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am available for nakedness
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
