yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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