He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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