people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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