one might say we're banned from that church
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
