Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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