I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
