Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
