you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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