Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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