she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
