How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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