I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
