whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
