The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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