Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
