we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
