If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize