He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
