I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
