Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
