do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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