Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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