thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
