question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
