I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
