Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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