But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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