You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she peed on how many people?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
