worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize