Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
