I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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