I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
