what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
