shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
