My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
