She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize