I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
