So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize