she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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