i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
