can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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