i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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