Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
