She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
