3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
